MY Birthday Cake

It's my birthday. 27Aug 00.10am. at my serviced apartment's bathroom with eyes shut. "ready?" he said. In front of me is a cheese cake, a little candle on top and a small flame awaiting for me to blow it off. Oh and there were 2 solid hands below the cake holding on to it. I should have taken a picture, for I almost forgotten how it looked like anymore, it's been 2 weeks.

As horribly as I have been, I said, "wow.. this is so sweet... cheesecake, Mandarine Oriental's the yummiest". He said, "I knew something is wrong. ok, next time yeah?". the fact is, I am really not sure when will be the next time, oh yeah, it should be a year later, but is this next time a next time with him? that, is another story that can't be found out till then. how can we be so unsure about even on such littlest thing, I just can't see these things coming. It could be interpreted as a good surprise, but how much surprises of such one would love to have when you hold these little precious moment so dearly? I complained "then it will be a year later.. that's a year..I may be dead by then!" I wasn't actually complaining it's not a good cake nor I want the perfect one, if you know what I mean. It's just I was so bothered by the things in my head. I was in fact, extraordinarily happy.

he said, " then it will be other days, xmas, new year, right?" for that, I thought it's so long time later too. I have been concluded, sort of, that, the dimension of time with me is very different than with a typical being, of course, excluding those soon dying ones. I meant a normal being at age of 30s. they mostly live in a different timezone than mine. and I struggled.

It was sweet he had such thoughts though. but again, how sure he is to make such moments coming, not to mention the up and coming mid autumn? am not sure on my side as well. Does everyone keep things they believe and their wishes intact? or it's just me? passively forced to have faith leaves me.

There wasn't any cute little chocolate tag scribbled "happy birthday carol" nor "happy our first birthday" on the cake, which is almost a must. It was just a small mango cheese cake picked up on our street next door little earlier. but a birthday song I heard. He said,"make a wish"... wow, I actually forgotten we can still make wishes these days. I was almost surprised and lost. what wishes? will they come true? if I granted one wishes, isn't that I should wish my next 1000 wishes will come true. Or how about "I wish he will be happiest, healthy.. and everyone else" I struggled but I did make a wishful wish. why not? there is always something to wish for. He said,"it's my first time buying a cake to someone". "Is that right? can't be true?!" I thought. then "why would he this time?" "for a change?" or "am just experimental as always?" or "everyone just like to be romantic with me at moments and leave me later when it's not convenient, as I can handle that?" or "that's just a very sweet act, to me, to our lost birthdays?"

I blew off the flame, surprisingly it was still burning. we smiled.

No Mandarine Oriental, no choco tag but it's one of the yummiest cake I ever had.