There is something so funny about myself I think. Like things happening but I don't realized they are. Probably because I am too careless or just bit stupid in understanding it.
I sank myself into this super hot onsen, dipping my head down till water level with my eyes, as I really don't like putting my eyes underwater and scared my eyes may burst by the heat. Everything went into a world of silence. I heard something though, so loud and closed to my body. My heardbeats, I did not get stupid and got scared of course. I looked around with head still half way sank in, no one around but me, so, those were my heartbeats I was pretty sure. I almost giggled to choke though. The sound reminds me that I have what they call uneven heartbeats, 25% uneven, that means every 3 beats, I skip one. Mom was worried while since then, I thought it's quite cool my heart can actually do those counting and miss the beat at the right time. I paid more attention and started to close my eyes, sort of meditating, sinking my head fully into the onsen without even worrying my eyes will got burst or not anymore, I mean, that's brave. I started to float under water. Like a baby, I was imagining, as they always told me. sound of heartbeats, weightless, the heat, and the sound of heartbeats. I like the missing sound.
Too hot and suffocating. I like this floating world.
Friday, 26 December 2008
Friday, 24 October 2008
surprisingly I got invited to a wine dinner by my wine agent, Fare and Fine Wine from London. I could bring a friend as well after Jim called from London. It was my first wine dinner ever. I mean I got invited few times by various people, most of the time cost from 2k to 10k HKD. I am simply too skin to attend such "high roller" events. Jim reassured me that dinner was free and a special invites organized for their best clients. My instant shock was they must had made mistake. How would I be one fo their best clients? The dinner would have billions of theirs if I am on the list. Or, they must be having real bad business.
I was so excited. so, now, the question is, who should I invite to go with me? He must be my best friend, treats me well, love wine and dine, and most importantly a great company for my evening.
arrived at the HK club with my friend Derek. He is always well dressed with great etiquette. We entered the private room. Few white men standing there and this guy came to me and reached out his hand, I supposed he is welcoming me and my friend. This tall white guy reached out his hand and greeted dereck first then me, and started chatting away with Dereck. I was thinking, "man, how dare him". His head must had been conditioned so bad by society. after 6 minutes of conversation, Dereck said, "maybe you should talk to this lady more about wine as I supposed she is your bigger client than me". James was his name, showed embarrassment but I gave him a very warm smile as that's what I supposed to do to make him feel less stupid being sexist.
Atomsphere was stiff but Dinner was great and I had I guess at least 8 glasses of wine and Krug. In fact, all I could see was just food and wine. with some easy math, I think I had over 15k wine wasted into my stomach. most I love was d'yquem. tasted like pina colada, but funny things is, people rather have a non pina colada and tracing taste of it elsewhere.
I was so excited. so, now, the question is, who should I invite to go with me? He must be my best friend, treats me well, love wine and dine, and most importantly a great company for my evening.
arrived at the HK club with my friend Derek. He is always well dressed with great etiquette. We entered the private room. Few white men standing there and this guy came to me and reached out his hand, I supposed he is welcoming me and my friend. This tall white guy reached out his hand and greeted dereck first then me, and started chatting away with Dereck. I was thinking, "man, how dare him". His head must had been conditioned so bad by society. after 6 minutes of conversation, Dereck said, "maybe you should talk to this lady more about wine as I supposed she is your bigger client than me". James was his name, showed embarrassment but I gave him a very warm smile as that's what I supposed to do to make him feel less stupid being sexist.
Atomsphere was stiff but Dinner was great and I had I guess at least 8 glasses of wine and Krug. In fact, all I could see was just food and wine. with some easy math, I think I had over 15k wine wasted into my stomach. most I love was d'yquem. tasted like pina colada, but funny things is, people rather have a non pina colada and tracing taste of it elsewhere.
Monday, 20 October 2008
१०.१०.00
I looked up, it was 4.10pm. Clock was the analog type, those with 2 arms, oh no, it was those with 3. I always forget the littlest things. I was reading.
This new book looked awkward. The top 40% of the book was still wet, soaked with light brown stains, "must be the whiskey" I thought. I had on Friday two nights ago, and yes, it was still wet.
I looked up again, it was 4.31.12pm.
There was this conversation between two old friends strolling along a park somewhere set in china.
5.10.01pm
The two were catching up how life went on after over years of seperation. The woman was married with a daughter. She had a loving husband but did not feel in love. The man was dating someone, out of sympathy. There was this young girl sitting on a bench around the corner under the casting red sky, waiting.
5.38.29pm
I poured syrup all over the golden French toast. Smeared a huge chunk of butter on it. Mixed them together and made sure all four corners got covered up. "Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum!", I whispered to the toast. I was juggling between my book and this glowing thingy. Both can be put into my body, one to my head, one to my stomach. I can only pick one. Life suddenly seem bit difficult here.
5.41.50pm
I cut the toast into smaller squares, slipped one into my mouth. "yum". Then another one.
5.42.32pm
There was this tension between this two person. The woman telling the guy why the hell he was dating this girl if it was not out of love, and this man was suggesting may be they should not have met up this time. And these just went on and on. A shadow of a boy with a backpack walked out from the forest, the young girl stood up, he walked passed her, and she sat down again. hands covering face.
5.45.20pm
French toast were more than half gone already. I was excited but little hesitated to take them quick. Three 50 somethings man were chatting about their sons. "I think my son should read more, anyone read more are smarter, I even majored Chinese when I was in Uni in London, am very well read too" the balded said. "anyone got accepted to Lee Po Chun is super smart and guarantees a bright future, and your son got in" said the women opposite him. Father grinned. "gee, I got admitted to Lee Po Chun too, so what? big deal!" I thought and poked my toast.
5.50.44pm
The young girl stood up from the bench, strayed towards a tree, leaning on it crying. "waiting is a painful thing" the woman signed. "She must be waiting for someone". "Not being in love would avoid you from so" said the man. "what you said was just naive" She asked him if he would like to go up to her apartment for dinner with her husband and daughter, he said he is not being invited, the woman said now he is, then he said, "sure". Sky getting darker while the sun was landing on my shoulder with my back leaning against the big window.
5.50.59pm
"sometimes you have to force your kid to do what is good for them" "I agree, we know so much better" These people seriously know what they were talking about I guess, because they have been through much, at least they think so.
5.51.20pm
supposably 10.10.00 is the most beautiful arrangement of a clock. That has been considered the most pleasing to the eyes. The golden ratio 1.6180339887 something like that I supposed. Reminiscing a minute ago, looking up the clock now, this is just quite beautiful, with the 3rd arm ticking hard and strong, round and round.
5.52.49pm
had my last bite of french toast. Will be back for more.
This new book looked awkward. The top 40% of the book was still wet, soaked with light brown stains, "must be the whiskey" I thought. I had on Friday two nights ago, and yes, it was still wet.
I looked up again, it was 4.31.12pm.
There was this conversation between two old friends strolling along a park somewhere set in china.
5.10.01pm
The two were catching up how life went on after over years of seperation. The woman was married with a daughter. She had a loving husband but did not feel in love. The man was dating someone, out of sympathy. There was this young girl sitting on a bench around the corner under the casting red sky, waiting.
5.38.29pm
I poured syrup all over the golden French toast. Smeared a huge chunk of butter on it. Mixed them together and made sure all four corners got covered up. "Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum!", I whispered to the toast. I was juggling between my book and this glowing thingy. Both can be put into my body, one to my head, one to my stomach. I can only pick one. Life suddenly seem bit difficult here.
5.41.50pm
I cut the toast into smaller squares, slipped one into my mouth. "yum". Then another one.
5.42.32pm
There was this tension between this two person. The woman telling the guy why the hell he was dating this girl if it was not out of love, and this man was suggesting may be they should not have met up this time. And these just went on and on. A shadow of a boy with a backpack walked out from the forest, the young girl stood up, he walked passed her, and she sat down again. hands covering face.
5.45.20pm
French toast were more than half gone already. I was excited but little hesitated to take them quick. Three 50 somethings man were chatting about their sons. "I think my son should read more, anyone read more are smarter, I even majored Chinese when I was in Uni in London, am very well read too" the balded said. "anyone got accepted to Lee Po Chun is super smart and guarantees a bright future, and your son got in" said the women opposite him. Father grinned. "gee, I got admitted to Lee Po Chun too, so what? big deal!" I thought and poked my toast.
5.50.44pm
The young girl stood up from the bench, strayed towards a tree, leaning on it crying. "waiting is a painful thing" the woman signed. "She must be waiting for someone". "Not being in love would avoid you from so" said the man. "what you said was just naive" She asked him if he would like to go up to her apartment for dinner with her husband and daughter, he said he is not being invited, the woman said now he is, then he said, "sure". Sky getting darker while the sun was landing on my shoulder with my back leaning against the big window.
5.50.59pm
"sometimes you have to force your kid to do what is good for them" "I agree, we know so much better" These people seriously know what they were talking about I guess, because they have been through much, at least they think so.
5.51.20pm
supposably 10.10.00 is the most beautiful arrangement of a clock. That has been considered the most pleasing to the eyes. The golden ratio 1.6180339887 something like that I supposed. Reminiscing a minute ago, looking up the clock now, this is just quite beautiful, with the 3rd arm ticking hard and strong, round and round.
5.52.49pm
had my last bite of french toast. Will be back for more.
Thursday, 25 September 2008
virgin flowers
Feel the need to write it down so I can remember years, months, weeks or even few days later. Am usually very assertive but I somehow just cannot be assured how great my memory is and how important things could possibly hold up in my head. I bet I may slip. From past records, my memory power was close to zero. So I gotta write it down to protect what is important, at least, to me, right now.
When what happened not going to repeat itself by time, a bit better version or worse, that event will soon fades away and vanish. I once dated this guy called Daniel, he told me, "Carol, love fades". I hated it and disagreed. I thought, "asshole!". Now, I realize there is partial truth in it. When you don't keep it going, everything fades. Like shoes gone tarnish if they are not shined, engines gone stuck if they are not ran. Love fades, of course, if connections not being tighten up. Cruel hey? but most people will rather admit such phenomenon instead of doing something more about it.
So I guess I should write now.
I was at my apartment a month ago. Sitting down on sofa turning up the ipod speaker for some Nina Simone time. Suddenly he said,"hey did you noticed something different around?" I looked around, well, my flat is the tiny cozy type. " wow!" I was closed to bounced up. It was something I adore. a nice stem of sunflower standing straight in this slim crystal clear vase. I commented, " but it would be nicer if there are few more of them or small flowers around it isn't it?" I gave him a kiss on cheek. How horrible I had such "things could be better" comment again, however, I was quite surprise and happy. It's an eternal truth that I always love sunflowers, for they are like the sun, lively and positive. Happy flowers they are.
I get bouquets quite often, especially at time when I was seeing someone. A receiver I am, but he is not a giver neither. He told me he never given flowers to anyone. It is unreal, but what can you say? all you can do is to take the words. Unreal for sure. flowers make me brighten up. even one, it will. In this case, I was surprised wondering the reason for him giving out his virgin flower. I smelled. smelled like sunflowers.
A week or so later, he gave me a bouquet of small white daisies. Almost like sunflowers but 29 times smaller. it was not in any fancy wrapping. He passed by a local shop and bought it secretly... I would romanticize it as "it is a cute surprise". In Chinese, white daisies are for the dead. I don't mind at all. I was as well affirmative that was not his intention being sarcastic. Plus, who will give horrible gift to the departed, if you do not love them, why send bad gift right? I did appreciate that a lot. First time receiving white daisies, and probably his first time giving out white daisy to a living creature.
Days had passed, the little white flowers turned weak and fragile. I could not bare seeing them dying one by one and trying hard to stand up straight like how they were before. I took them out, cut the better conditioned out and fill few wine glasses with water, placed 2 in each. They regained their beauty. Less struggling and protected by the solid crystal glass.
Days had passed like everyday truth. Water in glasses turned murky, white flowers decolonized into fading yellow. Every time I toured pass, this unexplainable desire drove me to a closer look, I dared not. They were dying, or had been dead, actually for that, I was pretty sure. Like bodies in coffins. except Coffins give us excuses to confront with straight eyes.
"What should I do?" I thought. Clearly it did not left me with options. One option is never to be considered as an option is it? I took up those once alive dead, walked to my bathroom, pour them into the toilet. one by one, exactly like an enduring massacre.
When there is no on-coming flowers, detaching from their beauty may be a smarter permanent truth hey? flowers fade. Today there is this sweet white rosy ones sitting in this long vase. smells fresh.
When what happened not going to repeat itself by time, a bit better version or worse, that event will soon fades away and vanish. I once dated this guy called Daniel, he told me, "Carol, love fades". I hated it and disagreed. I thought, "asshole!". Now, I realize there is partial truth in it. When you don't keep it going, everything fades. Like shoes gone tarnish if they are not shined, engines gone stuck if they are not ran. Love fades, of course, if connections not being tighten up. Cruel hey? but most people will rather admit such phenomenon instead of doing something more about it.
So I guess I should write now.
I was at my apartment a month ago. Sitting down on sofa turning up the ipod speaker for some Nina Simone time. Suddenly he said,"hey did you noticed something different around?" I looked around, well, my flat is the tiny cozy type. " wow!" I was closed to bounced up. It was something I adore. a nice stem of sunflower standing straight in this slim crystal clear vase. I commented, " but it would be nicer if there are few more of them or small flowers around it isn't it?" I gave him a kiss on cheek. How horrible I had such "things could be better" comment again, however, I was quite surprise and happy. It's an eternal truth that I always love sunflowers, for they are like the sun, lively and positive. Happy flowers they are.
I get bouquets quite often, especially at time when I was seeing someone. A receiver I am, but he is not a giver neither. He told me he never given flowers to anyone. It is unreal, but what can you say? all you can do is to take the words. Unreal for sure. flowers make me brighten up. even one, it will. In this case, I was surprised wondering the reason for him giving out his virgin flower. I smelled. smelled like sunflowers.
A week or so later, he gave me a bouquet of small white daisies. Almost like sunflowers but 29 times smaller. it was not in any fancy wrapping. He passed by a local shop and bought it secretly... I would romanticize it as "it is a cute surprise". In Chinese, white daisies are for the dead. I don't mind at all. I was as well affirmative that was not his intention being sarcastic. Plus, who will give horrible gift to the departed, if you do not love them, why send bad gift right? I did appreciate that a lot. First time receiving white daisies, and probably his first time giving out white daisy to a living creature.
Days had passed, the little white flowers turned weak and fragile. I could not bare seeing them dying one by one and trying hard to stand up straight like how they were before. I took them out, cut the better conditioned out and fill few wine glasses with water, placed 2 in each. They regained their beauty. Less struggling and protected by the solid crystal glass.
Days had passed like everyday truth. Water in glasses turned murky, white flowers decolonized into fading yellow. Every time I toured pass, this unexplainable desire drove me to a closer look, I dared not. They were dying, or had been dead, actually for that, I was pretty sure. Like bodies in coffins. except Coffins give us excuses to confront with straight eyes.
"What should I do?" I thought. Clearly it did not left me with options. One option is never to be considered as an option is it? I took up those once alive dead, walked to my bathroom, pour them into the toilet. one by one, exactly like an enduring massacre.
When there is no on-coming flowers, detaching from their beauty may be a smarter permanent truth hey? flowers fade. Today there is this sweet white rosy ones sitting in this long vase. smells fresh.
Sunday, 21 September 2008
Chasing the Blue
Sky was blue. It was big and infinite. That was few months ago. In Switzerland.
My body was so light, soul was so open, mind was so clear. I didn't even analyze if I was happy or not. but I was. I was melted into things around me. looked up to the sky and I was taken up to the blue big thing. It was beauty.
Today, I was on a boat cruise in Stanley. Lying down on the upper white deck in my Missoni-like bikini, looking up. I did not want to compare if the Swiss, the French or this HK sky the bluest, the biggest. First, only stupid people make comparison on things, even on similar things like which nutella crepes is the yummiest. Second, it's the sky. The same god damn sky. For anyone who study bit of Geography would know, despite the nerdy weather man in TV always tell us otherwise. Anyway, it was as blue as it could be. However, I felt there is something strange about it. I was almost detached from it. My body was gravitated towards the boat mattress. It was as sticky as my most favorite sticky toffee pudding. Not like super glue sticky but it is like the sticky toffee pudding, with a sinking weight. a bit of sweet sweat as well, yummy.
My thoughts were crowding up my small head. With worries, desires, situations, interpretations. It was like rockets shooting left and right; sharks and jelly fish swimming back and forth, up and down in those little fish tanks at Mint (a members club in central HK) or maybe like wake boarding just now, jumping left to right between wakes, fell, grap the handle and jump from right to left again. I once, for a very long time, most probably the past 2 years, knowing I gain clarity on myself and things. I was free, like a bird. I never looked, nor seek. Sky turned infinitely blue unknowingly. I became the big blue sky. and so did it became me. And "I" vanished.
While here I am, looking up, trying to find this blue sky, it looks familiar but distanced. I must have lost much clarity here. I thought once I gain clarity, my mind pretty much unable to be chaotic again. Just like once you learn to bike, you would never know not to. It is ridiculously impossible. If this biking logic works, then most probably I was just never enlightened. I am back to wanting and seeking mode. Events around me were not exactly pleasing and it's in a way, stupid. I tried to comprehend why people make silly choices, and it became unresolved. I look for the big blue sky. The more I look, the further it float away, the heavier is this constant 9.80665 m/s2 pulling me down into the mattress. If that is the constant, as well, the big blue sky, what changed the scene must be my mind. or, what else?
always heard people say one should treasure. Should look. Like air we breath, we only notice when we choked, then we learn to appreciate it. However, I thought, fear will as well grow instantly after suffocation, afraid of loosing air again. The stubbornness of gaining air will then make you suffocate in another way. Just like happiness. One cannot have it if stubbornly hanging on to it.
Need not to find, Need not to chase. And there it is, the big blue sky.
My body was so light, soul was so open, mind was so clear. I didn't even analyze if I was happy or not. but I was. I was melted into things around me. looked up to the sky and I was taken up to the blue big thing. It was beauty.
Today, I was on a boat cruise in Stanley. Lying down on the upper white deck in my Missoni-like bikini, looking up. I did not want to compare if the Swiss, the French or this HK sky the bluest, the biggest. First, only stupid people make comparison on things, even on similar things like which nutella crepes is the yummiest. Second, it's the sky. The same god damn sky. For anyone who study bit of Geography would know, despite the nerdy weather man in TV always tell us otherwise. Anyway, it was as blue as it could be. However, I felt there is something strange about it. I was almost detached from it. My body was gravitated towards the boat mattress. It was as sticky as my most favorite sticky toffee pudding. Not like super glue sticky but it is like the sticky toffee pudding, with a sinking weight. a bit of sweet sweat as well, yummy.
My thoughts were crowding up my small head. With worries, desires, situations, interpretations. It was like rockets shooting left and right; sharks and jelly fish swimming back and forth, up and down in those little fish tanks at Mint (a members club in central HK) or maybe like wake boarding just now, jumping left to right between wakes, fell, grap the handle and jump from right to left again. I once, for a very long time, most probably the past 2 years, knowing I gain clarity on myself and things. I was free, like a bird. I never looked, nor seek. Sky turned infinitely blue unknowingly. I became the big blue sky. and so did it became me. And "I" vanished.
While here I am, looking up, trying to find this blue sky, it looks familiar but distanced. I must have lost much clarity here. I thought once I gain clarity, my mind pretty much unable to be chaotic again. Just like once you learn to bike, you would never know not to. It is ridiculously impossible. If this biking logic works, then most probably I was just never enlightened. I am back to wanting and seeking mode. Events around me were not exactly pleasing and it's in a way, stupid. I tried to comprehend why people make silly choices, and it became unresolved. I look for the big blue sky. The more I look, the further it float away, the heavier is this constant 9.80665 m/s2 pulling me down into the mattress. If that is the constant, as well, the big blue sky, what changed the scene must be my mind. or, what else?
always heard people say one should treasure. Should look. Like air we breath, we only notice when we choked, then we learn to appreciate it. However, I thought, fear will as well grow instantly after suffocation, afraid of loosing air again. The stubbornness of gaining air will then make you suffocate in another way. Just like happiness. One cannot have it if stubbornly hanging on to it.
Need not to find, Need not to chase. And there it is, the big blue sky.
Wednesday, 10 September 2008
MY Birthday Cake
It's my birthday. 27Aug 00.10am. at my serviced apartment's bathroom with eyes shut. "ready?" he said. In front of me is a cheese cake, a little candle on top and a small flame awaiting for me to blow it off. Oh and there were 2 solid hands below the cake holding on to it. I should have taken a picture, for I almost forgotten how it looked like anymore, it's been 2 weeks.
As horribly as I have been, I said, "wow.. this is so sweet... cheesecake, Mandarine Oriental's the yummiest". He said, "I knew something is wrong. ok, next time yeah?". the fact is, I am really not sure when will be the next time, oh yeah, it should be a year later, but is this next time a next time with him? that, is another story that can't be found out till then. how can we be so unsure about even on such littlest thing, I just can't see these things coming. It could be interpreted as a good surprise, but how much surprises of such one would love to have when you hold these little precious moment so dearly? I complained "then it will be a year later.. that's a year..I may be dead by then!" I wasn't actually complaining it's not a good cake nor I want the perfect one, if you know what I mean. It's just I was so bothered by the things in my head. I was in fact, extraordinarily happy.
he said, " then it will be other days, xmas, new year, right?" for that, I thought it's so long time later too. I have been concluded, sort of, that, the dimension of time with me is very different than with a typical being, of course, excluding those soon dying ones. I meant a normal being at age of 30s. they mostly live in a different timezone than mine. and I struggled.
It was sweet he had such thoughts though. but again, how sure he is to make such moments coming, not to mention the up and coming mid autumn? am not sure on my side as well. Does everyone keep things they believe and their wishes intact? or it's just me? passively forced to have faith leaves me.
There wasn't any cute little chocolate tag scribbled "happy birthday carol" nor "happy our first birthday" on the cake, which is almost a must. It was just a small mango cheese cake picked up on our street next door little earlier. but a birthday song I heard. He said,"make a wish"... wow, I actually forgotten we can still make wishes these days. I was almost surprised and lost. what wishes? will they come true? if I granted one wishes, isn't that I should wish my next 1000 wishes will come true. Or how about "I wish he will be happiest, healthy.. and everyone else" I struggled but I did make a wishful wish. why not? there is always something to wish for. He said,"it's my first time buying a cake to someone". "Is that right? can't be true?!" I thought. then "why would he this time?" "for a change?" or "am just experimental as always?" or "everyone just like to be romantic with me at moments and leave me later when it's not convenient, as I can handle that?" or "that's just a very sweet act, to me, to our lost birthdays?"
I blew off the flame, surprisingly it was still burning. we smiled.
No Mandarine Oriental, no choco tag but it's one of the yummiest cake I ever had.
As horribly as I have been, I said, "wow.. this is so sweet... cheesecake, Mandarine Oriental's the yummiest". He said, "I knew something is wrong. ok, next time yeah?". the fact is, I am really not sure when will be the next time, oh yeah, it should be a year later, but is this next time a next time with him? that, is another story that can't be found out till then. how can we be so unsure about even on such littlest thing, I just can't see these things coming. It could be interpreted as a good surprise, but how much surprises of such one would love to have when you hold these little precious moment so dearly? I complained "then it will be a year later.. that's a year..I may be dead by then!" I wasn't actually complaining it's not a good cake nor I want the perfect one, if you know what I mean. It's just I was so bothered by the things in my head. I was in fact, extraordinarily happy.
he said, " then it will be other days, xmas, new year, right?" for that, I thought it's so long time later too. I have been concluded, sort of, that, the dimension of time with me is very different than with a typical being, of course, excluding those soon dying ones. I meant a normal being at age of 30s. they mostly live in a different timezone than mine. and I struggled.
It was sweet he had such thoughts though. but again, how sure he is to make such moments coming, not to mention the up and coming mid autumn? am not sure on my side as well. Does everyone keep things they believe and their wishes intact? or it's just me? passively forced to have faith leaves me.
There wasn't any cute little chocolate tag scribbled "happy birthday carol" nor "happy our first birthday" on the cake, which is almost a must. It was just a small mango cheese cake picked up on our street next door little earlier. but a birthday song I heard. He said,"make a wish"... wow, I actually forgotten we can still make wishes these days. I was almost surprised and lost. what wishes? will they come true? if I granted one wishes, isn't that I should wish my next 1000 wishes will come true. Or how about "I wish he will be happiest, healthy.. and everyone else" I struggled but I did make a wishful wish. why not? there is always something to wish for. He said,"it's my first time buying a cake to someone". "Is that right? can't be true?!" I thought. then "why would he this time?" "for a change?" or "am just experimental as always?" or "everyone just like to be romantic with me at moments and leave me later when it's not convenient, as I can handle that?" or "that's just a very sweet act, to me, to our lost birthdays?"
I blew off the flame, surprisingly it was still burning. we smiled.
No Mandarine Oriental, no choco tag but it's one of the yummiest cake I ever had.
Monday, 28 July 2008
squeezing it back to 500 sq ft
Biggest check ever I had, a 3M hkd one in my hand. Handed over my sold flat today. Cruising around in HK, I have been living with my mom and those monsters, I meant my 4 puppies. I would like to spend more time with them especially when I feel like what is so running out, constanting leaking to the endless past is time. I went out alot as well though and suddenly "bang" in my head, I just realized I have a flat in Soho. not rented out but sort of sold (another mismanagement of the superficial things that I am bounded to take care of, supposively).
An empty space that I used to lived with my ex 6 years ago. Good time, bad time, fun time, destructive time, party time, sex time. all happened in such tiny 500sq ft space. Back to the future. Instead of gaining some necessity cash from the apartment,I spend 2 weeks on and off in it, mostly drunk. with a friend of mine. it has been good fun. again, Fun time, chatting time, chilling time and more. it's sort of weired when I seriously think about being at exactly the same spot at a different time zone with different faces, which includes mine. Little confused where and when am I despite how familiar the place seemed to be. things are stagnant yet flushed so quickly so beautifully to the same spot. Never expected I will be here but here I am again.
Isn't life in world is just like how it is? every bit and pieces condensed into this tiny 500 sq ft by time. almost an eternal return?
scary or funny?
An empty space that I used to lived with my ex 6 years ago. Good time, bad time, fun time, destructive time, party time, sex time. all happened in such tiny 500sq ft space. Back to the future. Instead of gaining some necessity cash from the apartment,I spend 2 weeks on and off in it, mostly drunk. with a friend of mine. it has been good fun. again, Fun time, chatting time, chilling time and more. it's sort of weired when I seriously think about being at exactly the same spot at a different time zone with different faces, which includes mine. Little confused where and when am I despite how familiar the place seemed to be. things are stagnant yet flushed so quickly so beautifully to the same spot. Never expected I will be here but here I am again.
Isn't life in world is just like how it is? every bit and pieces condensed into this tiny 500 sq ft by time. almost an eternal return?
scary or funny?
Tuesday, 1 July 2008
The wild open pupils
MY 3rd week back to HK. Am at the church with mom now. I am pretty sure I will never be a Christian. But if she is happy I go, I would surely go. I want to spend more time with her. She seems peaceful just now. Praying and singing. We then start shaking hands and giving hugs to all brothers and sisters that I didn’t even know I ever had, there were so many.
“let’s do lunch in Jockey club” I said while we stepping out of the church. Her phone rings and suddenly these non-stops yelling broke into our peace that we’ve built for the past 2 hours. She is now yelling at her mobile, at her maid, to be exact. I am feeling terrible. There is really no need to get so angry. I am trying to calm her down. Then she said,”I need to scold her as she is just lazy and stupid”. Even if so, what can you do right? Smacking, Yelling doesn’t mean she will get smarter will she? If such magic exists, I wish I could be yelled at all the time. Just yell at me every split second, so I will be less dumb. It’s easier to do charts, I love charts. (my chart on my notebook)
Told my mom the theory of this chart, as I wish she doesn’t get so emotionally disturbed, initiating hormone imbalance or being killed. But she turns her head saying, “if you don’t yell at her, she won’t learn, and you, you, never understand how difficult it is!” All of a sudden, I saved my maid’s ass and turned my ass into her new target. She starts yelling at me with her pupils wild open. I remember when I was very little, mom’s temper wasn’t especially tempted already. When she yelled at me, which happens quite frequently, I got addicted starring into her pupils. There were so wild, so open. An untamed energy of eternal fire. They are pretty sexy.
“let’s do lunch in Jockey club” I said while we stepping out of the church. Her phone rings and suddenly these non-stops yelling broke into our peace that we’ve built for the past 2 hours. She is now yelling at her mobile, at her maid, to be exact. I am feeling terrible. There is really no need to get so angry. I am trying to calm her down. Then she said,”I need to scold her as she is just lazy and stupid”. Even if so, what can you do right? Smacking, Yelling doesn’t mean she will get smarter will she? If such magic exists, I wish I could be yelled at all the time. Just yell at me every split second, so I will be less dumb. It’s easier to do charts, I love charts. (my chart on my notebook)
Told my mom the theory of this chart, as I wish she doesn’t get so emotionally disturbed, initiating hormone imbalance or being killed. But she turns her head saying, “if you don’t yell at her, she won’t learn, and you, you, never understand how difficult it is!” All of a sudden, I saved my maid’s ass and turned my ass into her new target. She starts yelling at me with her pupils wild open. I remember when I was very little, mom’s temper wasn’t especially tempted already. When she yelled at me, which happens quite frequently, I got addicted starring into her pupils. There were so wild, so open. An untamed energy of eternal fire. They are pretty sexy.
Friday, 6 June 2008
Interview at Soho
Just Read the publication of the interview I did few days ago in HK, soho.
this is the link:
www.amymagazine.com/amyblog/travelandleisure/2008/06/06//
anyway, Editor Sue always very interested in my lifestyle and traveling as she is a lifestyle editor. Last time, we did a 2 hour Long Distance phone interview while I was in London few months ago. this time, I picked Soho, Portabello. Loving the Cake and coffee there. anyway, I always think there is nothing much I can tell. Really not much. I think their life probably are so much more interesting than mind - that's what I told them. anyway, it's fun finding out why people are interested in things I don't find so interesting to others.
I was sitting at the cafe. picking my cake. it's horrible in life sometimes, there are so many delicious ones out there but I can only pick one isn't it? that made me not picking any. There came Sue, with a photographer, Lewis. Lewis kept aiming at me with his massive camera during the whole Q&A section. I felt like every spirit of me got frozen away second by second frames. I didn't actually worry that pictures of me turn out to be horrible. but just the fact that someone seems to be sneaking at me paranoids me into embarrassment. Ended up my embarrassment got distracted by my favorite food.
Apparently, I don't gain much out of any interviews like this, on the contrary, I was in fact helping editors for their "homework" for sure. Looking at the outcome of it now, gee.. they said I dressed "following my mind" in Chinese, in english, is like "very causal" no Matter HK or other place !! bit tough to think it's a compliment in such superficial HK - I do dress like a farmer actually! for how long I have been traveling "too light" with my only hand carried bag. a 100hkd tea set worth it though. cheap life, cheap date.
this is the link:
www.amymagazine.com/amyblog/travelandleisure/2008/06/06//
anyway, Editor Sue always very interested in my lifestyle and traveling as she is a lifestyle editor. Last time, we did a 2 hour Long Distance phone interview while I was in London few months ago. this time, I picked Soho, Portabello. Loving the Cake and coffee there. anyway, I always think there is nothing much I can tell. Really not much. I think their life probably are so much more interesting than mind - that's what I told them. anyway, it's fun finding out why people are interested in things I don't find so interesting to others.
I was sitting at the cafe. picking my cake. it's horrible in life sometimes, there are so many delicious ones out there but I can only pick one isn't it? that made me not picking any. There came Sue, with a photographer, Lewis. Lewis kept aiming at me with his massive camera during the whole Q&A section. I felt like every spirit of me got frozen away second by second frames. I didn't actually worry that pictures of me turn out to be horrible. but just the fact that someone seems to be sneaking at me paranoids me into embarrassment. Ended up my embarrassment got distracted by my favorite food.
Apparently, I don't gain much out of any interviews like this, on the contrary, I was in fact helping editors for their "homework" for sure. Looking at the outcome of it now, gee.. they said I dressed "following my mind" in Chinese, in english, is like "very causal" no Matter HK or other place !! bit tough to think it's a compliment in such superficial HK - I do dress like a farmer actually! for how long I have been traveling "too light" with my only hand carried bag. a 100hkd tea set worth it though. cheap life, cheap date.
Wednesday, 4 June 2008
Snowboarding - Chamonix
Chamonix Chamonix, I was supposed to be here for just a week. An one week plan. Everything is always in 1 day, 3 days and 1 week to me. Jobs, travel and dates. It’s hardly a month or a year. I am quite incapable to plan too further ahead. Today is 5May. It has been 5 weeks here in chamonix. 1 month and almost a half! Not sure it’s like how most people operates, I postponed my return one week after another. This time, right here, right now, is just plainly hard to move on. It’s like when something is so godamn beautiful, how can one move on? It’s simply impossible. Just like everything we touch, feel, eat and think.
Mountains are full of snow here, so white. I never like the idea of snow, in fact. It makes me feel cold, stress, like if I dive into it, I would probably shiver, tense up, heart contracts and die. That’s the image I have with snow. If I have a choice, I would definitely go for the beach, sun and water. I had no idea why on earth people love the snow so much. Ski and snowboarding- they indeed seemed too painful to me. I was here to visit the mountains for a week. For it’s the tallest mountain in western Europe afterall, the Mont Blanc. After countless invites by Danny, I realized there is no harm visiting especially I was in Copenhagan few weeks ago freezing my ass off, it can’t be worst! My plan after chamonix will be visiting my ex date, my last summer love back in Biarritz, Dominik. He called 2 months ago when I was in Rome, asking “carol, why you keep traveling around my country but not mine?” He lives in Switzerland. So I giggled,’cause I never got the invite!' “come over, now this is the invite, I will teach you snowboarding and we will go up the mountains” I was half excited half in doubt, mostly for the snowboarding part and I said,”alright, let’s do that!” he is a snowboarding instructor, and he is hot, by the way.
Anyway, so I arrived Chamonix. At Danny’s house. It was such a cute cosy apartment made of wood. We then headed out for pre-dinner drink in the Centre. I was totally disoriented in this town. Didn’t know where is what. I always have this strange feeling whenever I arrive to any new town. Oh no, that’s not exactly true. Only NYC did makes me feel like I know where I am at. The city looks like this… how can one get confused being in grids?
Dinner was planned. This racclette restaurant was much fun. boiling cheese pour onto grill meat. "Fromage à raclette fondue au feu de bois," wolala!! so yummy. I hardly like DIY thingy but this DIY dinner was just exceptionally inspirational. watching cheese melting and raw red meat turning turn slowly to pale solid meat with charcoal aroma. put them together and stuff into the mouth. em...! you have to try it to know how much fun a dinner can be. Playing with cheese, food and fire. Things parents rule out. Dinner was like a playground. It was just perfect. After a 5 hours Raclette, We off to these clubs that I had no idea of – Terrace, Soulfood, Cantina.
for a late night clubbing scene. that's my Chamonix. the 1st day always do an impression, always. and Danny does party like a rock star.
Next day, I found my orientation like an ant. It’s so strange to see everyone walking around like robots in their ski outfit, carrying their skis and boards. It looked quite cool actually. I guess this was the first time I'd been to a proper ski resort. Now, I know how they look like. One thing I realized as well was everyone disappeared in town till 6pm everyday. They were all up the mountains. Except me. A snow hater. So I was thinking, what the hell I can do if I don’t snowboard? Instead of waiting for a week learning snowboarding with Dominik, I spend some good money, booked a 4 days group snowboarding session. I somehow convinced myself, if everyone talks about skiing even before winter comes, there must be some magic in it and maybe, just maybe I am missing something real fun big time in life. and Carol, stop that avoidance habits! never tried, never too hard!
Hot instructor shit classes.
This English blonde chick, well, she was not those hot blondes though, with her boyfriend were just annoying like hell. Not her boyfriend hurt his back, then was her binding broke or she got shaky legs that she could not slide down at all. Paying for 4 days of classes to do everything on my own! Great deal! Well at least those 200euro got me in gear and made me went up the hill. Snowboarding is hard, especially for people scares of slope badly, like me. I dislike slopes like how I dislike triangles, and how I got freak out by butterflies. I was very geared up though. I got my fat ass protector, helmet and wristguards. I should be safe. I fell into my head, my butt though. Am not so good at it. I felt the same damn pain that went all the way from my lower back straight to my head same way like 3 years ago when I broke my coccyx in my Paris apartment. I thought am going to be paralyzed from now on. but well, lying there for another 20mins figuring my pain, I stood up and tried again.
Mountains are full of snow here, so white. I never like the idea of snow, in fact. It makes me feel cold, stress, like if I dive into it, I would probably shiver, tense up, heart contracts and die. That’s the image I have with snow. If I have a choice, I would definitely go for the beach, sun and water. I had no idea why on earth people love the snow so much. Ski and snowboarding- they indeed seemed too painful to me. I was here to visit the mountains for a week. For it’s the tallest mountain in western Europe afterall, the Mont Blanc. After countless invites by Danny, I realized there is no harm visiting especially I was in Copenhagan few weeks ago freezing my ass off, it can’t be worst! My plan after chamonix will be visiting my ex date, my last summer love back in Biarritz, Dominik. He called 2 months ago when I was in Rome, asking “carol, why you keep traveling around my country but not mine?” He lives in Switzerland. So I giggled,’cause I never got the invite!' “come over, now this is the invite, I will teach you snowboarding and we will go up the mountains” I was half excited half in doubt, mostly for the snowboarding part and I said,”alright, let’s do that!” he is a snowboarding instructor, and he is hot, by the way.
Anyway, so I arrived Chamonix. At Danny’s house. It was such a cute cosy apartment made of wood. We then headed out for pre-dinner drink in the Centre. I was totally disoriented in this town. Didn’t know where is what. I always have this strange feeling whenever I arrive to any new town. Oh no, that’s not exactly true. Only NYC did makes me feel like I know where I am at. The city looks like this… how can one get confused being in grids?
Dinner was planned. This racclette restaurant was much fun. boiling cheese pour onto grill meat. "Fromage à raclette fondue au feu de bois," wolala!! so yummy. I hardly like DIY thingy but this DIY dinner was just exceptionally inspirational. watching cheese melting and raw red meat turning turn slowly to pale solid meat with charcoal aroma. put them together and stuff into the mouth. em...! you have to try it to know how much fun a dinner can be. Playing with cheese, food and fire. Things parents rule out. Dinner was like a playground. It was just perfect. After a 5 hours Raclette, We off to these clubs that I had no idea of – Terrace, Soulfood, Cantina.
for a late night clubbing scene. that's my Chamonix. the 1st day always do an impression, always. and Danny does party like a rock star.
Next day, I found my orientation like an ant. It’s so strange to see everyone walking around like robots in their ski outfit, carrying their skis and boards. It looked quite cool actually. I guess this was the first time I'd been to a proper ski resort. Now, I know how they look like. One thing I realized as well was everyone disappeared in town till 6pm everyday. They were all up the mountains. Except me. A snow hater. So I was thinking, what the hell I can do if I don’t snowboard? Instead of waiting for a week learning snowboarding with Dominik, I spend some good money, booked a 4 days group snowboarding session. I somehow convinced myself, if everyone talks about skiing even before winter comes, there must be some magic in it and maybe, just maybe I am missing something real fun big time in life. and Carol, stop that avoidance habits! never tried, never too hard!
Hot instructor shit classes.
This English blonde chick, well, she was not those hot blondes though, with her boyfriend were just annoying like hell. Not her boyfriend hurt his back, then was her binding broke or she got shaky legs that she could not slide down at all. Paying for 4 days of classes to do everything on my own! Great deal! Well at least those 200euro got me in gear and made me went up the hill. Snowboarding is hard, especially for people scares of slope badly, like me. I dislike slopes like how I dislike triangles, and how I got freak out by butterflies. I was very geared up though. I got my fat ass protector, helmet and wristguards. I should be safe. I fell into my head, my butt though. Am not so good at it. I felt the same damn pain that went all the way from my lower back straight to my head same way like 3 years ago when I broke my coccyx in my Paris apartment. I thought am going to be paralyzed from now on. but well, lying there for another 20mins figuring my pain, I stood up and tried again.
Sunday, 6 April 2008
apres ski
in any vacation Spot, people always ask "what you here for?" when meeting new ones (and 10 out of 10 would ask you "where you from?" too, for sure).
In Chamonix, the next question would be" are you came here for the season?" follows by "you here boarding or skiing?"
my answer to that was " pour apres ski" and they laughed, and asked again, "so you are a boarder or skier?" I insisted again, "na, I don't ski nor board, I come here for apres ski, really"
always feeling I am missing out a big part of fun in life by not skiing nor snowboarding. In winter, everyone all excited to go to the snow while I only love the sun and water. there is nothing wrong to be fair, but then, maybe I just didn't know how much fun I could be missing out. so there, am in Chamonix, I decided to take a snowboarding 4 session course. Am bit cheap and hate attentions, so I took a group one. it's 145euro for 4x2.5 hours. I could have let my friends to teach me, but then, again, I hate attention and falling like a stupid clumpsy pig, so lesson do me good.
and yeah, I can do apres ski probably now!
In Chamonix, the next question would be" are you came here for the season?" follows by "you here boarding or skiing?"
my answer to that was " pour apres ski" and they laughed, and asked again, "so you are a boarder or skier?" I insisted again, "na, I don't ski nor board, I come here for apres ski, really"
always feeling I am missing out a big part of fun in life by not skiing nor snowboarding. In winter, everyone all excited to go to the snow while I only love the sun and water. there is nothing wrong to be fair, but then, maybe I just didn't know how much fun I could be missing out. so there, am in Chamonix, I decided to take a snowboarding 4 session course. Am bit cheap and hate attentions, so I took a group one. it's 145euro for 4x2.5 hours. I could have let my friends to teach me, but then, again, I hate attention and falling like a stupid clumpsy pig, so lesson do me good.
and yeah, I can do apres ski probably now!
A friend's new name
Danny- is a friend in Chamonix whom invited me to go over. I suddenly realized after a day or so hanging out with him and his mates, I was the only one who call him Danny. He is now - Roosty. I guessed that's his last name. I mean I sort of know what his last name is loosely but not exactly. you never really pay attention or remember people's last name most of the time, I mean, I actually have a hard time trying to remember people's first name. Like there are so many Daniels, Dannies, Danieles, Andrews, Matts, Daves on earth plus those weired ones like Pierres, Roen, Czanne, Czarine, Piano, Journey(yes, a friend from China!)... and more.
anyway, he is now Roosty. Danny asked me after my 1 week in Chamonix,"is it strange to call me Roosty now?" and I replied, "na, not at all!" in fact, I have been quite confused, probably confused him as well by calling him Roosty and Danny randomly. who said names doesn't matter but the person themselves?
anyway, he is now Roosty. Danny asked me after my 1 week in Chamonix,"is it strange to call me Roosty now?" and I replied, "na, not at all!" in fact, I have been quite confused, probably confused him as well by calling him Roosty and Danny randomly. who said names doesn't matter but the person themselves?
Thursday, 20 March 2008
bear hug
He ran to me, gave me a Huge bear hug and said,"From God!" and squeezed me even tighter.
I thought,"gee, serious?" I was in shock, they say God is everywhere and now, I can prove he is not just a myth finally. So I tried to start my first conversation with God,"Hi, nice to meet you finally. I've been..." then, he stepped off me with this funny look he gave me and said, "just joking, Jesus!" he laughed and started to tease me being unbelievably gullible.
It was quite embarrassing indeed. He was right, if that was God giving me some clear sign instead of just watching from above, which that's all he does these days, he would have been busy helping the poor and tsunamis instead of giving me a hug. and if there were God, I would be such a mistake by him being dumb and gullible that I couldn't even understand such simple logic, while they said God never made mistakes, so he was right. and I am just being extremely dumb again, yike.
I thought,"gee, serious?" I was in shock, they say God is everywhere and now, I can prove he is not just a myth finally. So I tried to start my first conversation with God,"Hi, nice to meet you finally. I've been..." then, he stepped off me with this funny look he gave me and said, "just joking, Jesus!" he laughed and started to tease me being unbelievably gullible.
It was quite embarrassing indeed. He was right, if that was God giving me some clear sign instead of just watching from above, which that's all he does these days, he would have been busy helping the poor and tsunamis instead of giving me a hug. and if there were God, I would be such a mistake by him being dumb and gullible that I couldn't even understand such simple logic, while they said God never made mistakes, so he was right. and I am just being extremely dumb again, yike.
Sunday, 16 March 2008
Berlin pub crawl in copenhagen
This week 4 of my friends asked me to write a book about myself and the traveling. 4 people, what a coincident within a week and I got told quite many times this year as well. Is it that obvious that I should write? or they are just saying irresponsible things that seems fun to say? most people loves compliments but giving some easy ones as well for some reasons, I figured this was one of those. well, I suddenly remember a swiss friend told me not to be so cynical about things, he was right, I should be nice, ha, as always of course. however, isn't it the idea of writing about myself is such a self gratification that an introvert like me (I still believe am an introvert no matter all said otherwise) would be suicidal. in fact those asked me to write, never seen my horrible writing. translating my messy head into words with such an exquisite talent in explaining has been already a tough duty (indeed, can't be worst, am always being misunderstood, however, I won't say it's someone's problem not being able to understand me). Not to mention I have only read a handful of books in my lifetime - guess I can be classified as an illiterate, in the modern world. well, am pretty good with visual though. faces, colors, doors, food, but who doesn't!? This idea suddenly turned into a challenge here. Oh well, since I jogged down some of my thoughts here and there in case I forgot about it, I may try to write a little then, no harm.
Jakob said, "carol, what the hell ya doing? writing about Berlin? isn't that you should be write about Copenhagen when you are in Copenhagen? that's not sensible" I laughed, "yeah, I know, ya right.. a little timing problem here, haha" writing my horrific Berlin pub crawl experience at brunch now at Custom House - an old boat house turned into a posh 2 stories gastro club - at Copenhagen harbor surrounded by stunning dressy people, they are all very beautiful really.
this cup of cafe latte beats those in Italy actually, and this little choco cake.. dear dear dear! I will write after..
Jakob said, "carol, what the hell ya doing? writing about Berlin? isn't that you should be write about Copenhagen when you are in Copenhagen? that's not sensible" I laughed, "yeah, I know, ya right.. a little timing problem here, haha" writing my horrific Berlin pub crawl experience at brunch now at Custom House - an old boat house turned into a posh 2 stories gastro club - at Copenhagen harbor surrounded by stunning dressy people, they are all very beautiful really.
this cup of cafe latte beats those in Italy actually, and this little choco cake.. dear dear dear! I will write after..
Tuesday, 4 March 2008
Longitude 0° 0' 0"
went to Greenwich with Nance at noon right after I got back from Hamburg. It is where they have the GMT in London and the Meridian Line - an imaginary line which runs from the North Pole to the South Pole.
I was standing at Longitude 0° 0' 0".
everyone there were splitting the legs and having that silly line goes in between, taking photos. It seems to be a grand idea. people tends to do that and it is sort of funny. Nance said "carol, hand me your camera, will take one for you" and I giggled,"no no no, thanks but I can help you to take yours!" Nancy laughed as well. We then walk up to the National Maritime Museum where they show bit of astronomy I guess. well, the main reason that I went in was because it's free entry. cheap butt.
I was standing at Longitude 0° 0' 0".
everyone there were splitting the legs and having that silly line goes in between, taking photos. It seems to be a grand idea. people tends to do that and it is sort of funny. Nance said "carol, hand me your camera, will take one for you" and I giggled,"no no no, thanks but I can help you to take yours!" Nancy laughed as well. We then walk up to the National Maritime Museum where they show bit of astronomy I guess. well, the main reason that I went in was because it's free entry. cheap butt.
Light years
in the "free entry"- oh yeah, there is free lunch sometimes - there were these introduction of what is a galaxy, milky way, stars, sun etc, things I learnt when I was a kid, and things my dad used to tell me and I felt so amazed and little, you know, when you are a kid, you sometime feel quite big in some silly situations even like having friends whom are just 1 year younger and shorter.
passed by this section - "what is a lightyear?"
I remember one night on a beach in Hong Kong, while you could still see starlights (well, not anymore, the sky is always bright 24 hours now), dad told me "you see those stars, so clear, twinkling, but they are actually years behind us which may not exist anymore." That's impossible I thought, but didn't think dad lied to me, of course then as usual, loving to ask "why" in any circumstances, I asked, "why not?". he answered,"cause the starlights you see now were either from their own combustion, explosion or reflection of light and since it's so so far away in universe from us, it took so long probably billions of years for those lights to travels to us and now, they reach your eyes, since it's so long ago, they may not even exist anymore, we are just seeing their past". I felt damn amazed and a little weired.
Now, standing in front of "A light-year is a unit of distance. It is the distance that light can travel in one year. Light moves at a velocity of about 300,000 kilometers each second. More precisely, one light-year is equal to 9,500,000,000,000 kilometers." I was thinking a star that I am seeing been traveling lightyears to me and not existing anymore but yet, I am watching it now. and vice versa, in billions of lightyears later, some silly living bastards seeing earth - here I am , right here right now but by that time, we had been all disappeared to no where, ha, into stardust probably. how funny an idea it is! and it definitely made me felt very strange again.
passed by this section - "what is a lightyear?"
I remember one night on a beach in Hong Kong, while you could still see starlights (well, not anymore, the sky is always bright 24 hours now), dad told me "you see those stars, so clear, twinkling, but they are actually years behind us which may not exist anymore." That's impossible I thought, but didn't think dad lied to me, of course then as usual, loving to ask "why" in any circumstances, I asked, "why not?". he answered,"cause the starlights you see now were either from their own combustion, explosion or reflection of light and since it's so so far away in universe from us, it took so long probably billions of years for those lights to travels to us and now, they reach your eyes, since it's so long ago, they may not even exist anymore, we are just seeing their past". I felt damn amazed and a little weired.
Now, standing in front of "A light-year is a unit of distance. It is the distance that light can travel in one year. Light moves at a velocity of about 300,000 kilometers each second. More precisely, one light-year is equal to 9,500,000,000,000 kilometers." I was thinking a star that I am seeing been traveling lightyears to me and not existing anymore but yet, I am watching it now. and vice versa, in billions of lightyears later, some silly living bastards seeing earth - here I am , right here right now but by that time, we had been all disappeared to no where, ha, into stardust probably. how funny an idea it is! and it definitely made me felt very strange again.
Saturday, 1 March 2008
10euro of fruit overdose in Hamburg
After a ultra long night of dining, clubbing and drinking with my dirty nose, me, Sonja and friends ended up at the Hamburg Fish Market at 8am. They were restless. chatting away crap (well probably, I just don't quite understand German to be honest) with vendors at fruit stands, coffee stands, fish stands, while my feet hurt like crazy with my cheap heals (pair of grey boots to be exact), in the cold rain, we finally decided to head home. on way back, we passed by this old dude, standing up on top of a container, yelling with an empty basket and mountains of fruit next to him, they decided to get this 10euro of filled up fruit basket. after few exchange of "German" there, we got it with a tray of 20 mango for free as bonus.
That was surely a Himalayas (that's the highest in the world is it? I can't remember it right), oh well, whichever highest mountain on earth that is, sitting on the kitchen table, we were forced to be creative with it.
strawberry,banana, mango smoothie and fruit salad for brunch then apple, grapefruit strawberry smoothie for tea; and pineapple, mango, apple smoothie and strawberry nutella on crackers for my night snack, em, that was yummy. this repeated the next few days. good that human don't get killed by vit. overdose or I should be very worried.
That was surely a Himalayas (that's the highest in the world is it? I can't remember it right), oh well, whichever highest mountain on earth that is, sitting on the kitchen table, we were forced to be creative with it.
strawberry,banana, mango smoothie and fruit salad for brunch then apple, grapefruit strawberry smoothie for tea; and pineapple, mango, apple smoothie and strawberry nutella on crackers for my night snack, em, that was yummy. this repeated the next few days. good that human don't get killed by vit. overdose or I should be very worried.
Thursday, 28 February 2008
The Wall is so Thin
standing in front of the Berlin Wall now. There is this exhibition, "Topography of Terror". walking through words by words into the history, it's very gripping, terrifying. When reading history, for some reason, I always feel like running backwards in time reappearing at the same spot but years earlier, like the light travel from stars to our eyes. And since I started reading from NOW till the begining of Nazi's operation(which one should do it the other way round), it felt more like running back in time passing though slaughtering scenes. transported for 3 hours. my legs hurt, the pain went all the way up to my head.
people got killed only because of racism, power and because "they can". human being always quite inclined to do evil things when situations allow. How pathetic, sad and that's what we were made of sometimes.
Smiling face with the gun pointing to kneeing down armless jews in front of bodies of freshly dead. the graphics became so animated in front of me. the smile and they kicked the body into the hole of dead reappeared. I could hear both the sound of the gun shot and laugh so clearly. My tears dropped. My heart shake. can one imagine living in that era. enduring helplessness with fear is probably how hell is.
this wall is so thin, amazingly thin. It separated families, loves and trashed humanity. so thin so powerful but deeply tragic.
my feet felt unbearable heavy but I gotta leave here.
people got killed only because of racism, power and because "they can". human being always quite inclined to do evil things when situations allow. How pathetic, sad and that's what we were made of sometimes.
Smiling face with the gun pointing to kneeing down armless jews in front of bodies of freshly dead. the graphics became so animated in front of me. the smile and they kicked the body into the hole of dead reappeared. I could hear both the sound of the gun shot and laugh so clearly. My tears dropped. My heart shake. can one imagine living in that era. enduring helplessness with fear is probably how hell is.
this wall is so thin, amazingly thin. It separated families, loves and trashed humanity. so thin so powerful but deeply tragic.
my feet felt unbearable heavy but I gotta leave here.
Wednesday, 13 February 2008
another rome in another planet
moving in to this nice 5 stars I presume or at least many stars hotel in the center. I was relieved and delighted. I will meet Fayjai, my old friend that lost touch for quite some time. I actually made my plan to Rome by his invite, it's rare he is around Europe and it's kina a cool idea to cruise around with old friend in Rome. another good reason is - that's what single girls do on Valentines day.
I used to not like him so much (well, I didn't hate him somehow). the reason of the dislike was he always accuse me being a banker, lucky and spoiled girl with rich parents. he never like my boyfriend that time. yet, I think he is a good person somehow. I always believe everyone got their own reasons for something.
It was a shock to me all of a sudden while I was waiting at the hotel lobby, there were 20 more other HK dudes marched in after him. I knew he was with friends but wow, that's more than a handfull, indeed. Fayejai suggested me to go tour around the city with them, so I did, and 2nd surprise was they hired a huge bus - those you see with elderlies all looking out the bus window looking amazed and when you wave to them, they would wave back -yes, those kind of bus. it was cool though. such an unusual idea especially I never done these on my own trips.
my brain was completely blank in the bus, it was amazing that I could worry about nothing - no map, no plans, just sitting there, let it takes me to places. spending time in the tour is like being in Germany, japan or Russia probably. I was totally lost in the mandarin guide but well. I did enjoy it while having rolls of napkins in my pocket for my bad flu.
Rome felt like another Rome in another planet.
I used to not like him so much (well, I didn't hate him somehow). the reason of the dislike was he always accuse me being a banker, lucky and spoiled girl with rich parents. he never like my boyfriend that time. yet, I think he is a good person somehow. I always believe everyone got their own reasons for something.
It was a shock to me all of a sudden while I was waiting at the hotel lobby, there were 20 more other HK dudes marched in after him. I knew he was with friends but wow, that's more than a handfull, indeed. Fayejai suggested me to go tour around the city with them, so I did, and 2nd surprise was they hired a huge bus - those you see with elderlies all looking out the bus window looking amazed and when you wave to them, they would wave back -yes, those kind of bus. it was cool though. such an unusual idea especially I never done these on my own trips.
my brain was completely blank in the bus, it was amazing that I could worry about nothing - no map, no plans, just sitting there, let it takes me to places. spending time in the tour is like being in Germany, japan or Russia probably. I was totally lost in the mandarin guide but well. I did enjoy it while having rolls of napkins in my pocket for my bad flu.
Rome felt like another Rome in another planet.
Tuesday, 12 February 2008
Rome after half a year
stepping my feet on Rome's ground again. Last time was in late June 2007 last year. I remember I was quite excited. Before landing in Rome and heading to meet up with Mike and his friend, I went to London, Milan with mike then venice for the art binnacle by myself then Frankfurt, Koln and Dussedolf with Michael. quite a happening new trip for me after a year in HK. The weather was superb, sun shinning and I hopped into a cab and went straight to Trastevere where we got a very spacious and cute Italian flat there for few days. last 2 days we were at the coast line enjoying the sun and food there. i remember i felt bit lost or maybe that's call emptiness after they left me and move on their trip while i got another half day there before London. well sometimes, I do feel bit of helplessness and lonesome when people left me behind. but that usually goes away pretty soon.
so this time. I stayed at a hostel for a night which is just easy and right next to the central station.It was however, a horrible day for me though. I got very ill. This headache which killed me so horribly. I basically just took some Parasitamo, lied on my bed and paralyzed till next morning. oh, I chopped the whole tree too by using rolls of tissue paper for my dirty nose.
so this time. I stayed at a hostel for a night which is just easy and right next to the central station.It was however, a horrible day for me though. I got very ill. This headache which killed me so horribly. I basically just took some Parasitamo, lied on my bed and paralyzed till next morning. oh, I chopped the whole tree too by using rolls of tissue paper for my dirty nose.
Sunday, 10 February 2008
Parties again in London
back to london from the Sevilla's solitude. London is cold. out on friday with nancy's housemate mike at a local pub. it's so amazing. pub displays like a maze, get in a spacious bar area, then walk up few steps of stairs at back and leads to another room, then up another staircase, down another one, another room, behind that little room is a beer garden. everyone said stratford is unsafe, ghetto. well. the crowd wasnt esp stylish nor Posh, but its so beautiful, bricks, the smell, garden, the light and a little radiator, everything so nicely put unattentively together. sexy.
then, old street. old street my lovely place indeed. and hoxton square, my lovelier place. met up my architech friends and some chicks. had few glasses of whiskey. off to new bond street, the british luxury club on the 70. nice. got 8 shots for free from bartender right after we stepped in. how cool is that? spend the night there, smoking, drinking, chatting away till 6 then off to south ken for english breadfast with eyes half close! slept for 2 hours and cant imagine I didnt struggle hard after that hey!
then, old street. old street my lovely place indeed. and hoxton square, my lovelier place. met up my architech friends and some chicks. had few glasses of whiskey. off to new bond street, the british luxury club on the 70. nice. got 8 shots for free from bartender right after we stepped in. how cool is that? spend the night there, smoking, drinking, chatting away till 6 then off to south ken for english breadfast with eyes half close! slept for 2 hours and cant imagine I didnt struggle hard after that hey!
Monday, 4 February 2008
The rainy Sevilla
it rained. and rained.
the city got alot heavier all of a sudden.
raining is like tears, slightly heavy and depressing while it washes off stubborn dirt on buildings, streets and even little corners whom can´t reach. drain and evaporate to the empty space.
another rainy night passed. today, sun is up, another new freshness from ground. I should go to grap a book at fnac now.
the sunny Sevilla.
the city got alot heavier all of a sudden.
raining is like tears, slightly heavy and depressing while it washes off stubborn dirt on buildings, streets and even little corners whom can´t reach. drain and evaporate to the empty space.
another rainy night passed. today, sun is up, another new freshness from ground. I should go to grap a book at fnac now.
the sunny Sevilla.
Under the Cordoba Sun
drove up with my good friend nancy and mogens to Codoba.
bought them coffee as i got to airport to meet up too early at 9am.. damn. thats early. surprised that somewhere on earth still dont offer lid for coffee these days! gosh! I blamed it for that half cup of coffee spill on my stupid pants!
got to Cordoba, staying at this little hotel right next to markiska, cute and pretty.
sun was great. warmer, sweeter than Sevilla. Having the same smell of orange tree. so pleasant that the world should grow more orange trees and spread the delightful citrus fragrance, why not?
jazz club, tapas, clubs, narrow cobbled streets, again, orange trees. wondered with lightness.
bought them coffee as i got to airport to meet up too early at 9am.. damn. thats early. surprised that somewhere on earth still dont offer lid for coffee these days! gosh! I blamed it for that half cup of coffee spill on my stupid pants!
got to Cordoba, staying at this little hotel right next to markiska, cute and pretty.
sun was great. warmer, sweeter than Sevilla. Having the same smell of orange tree. so pleasant that the world should grow more orange trees and spread the delightful citrus fragrance, why not?
jazz club, tapas, clubs, narrow cobbled streets, again, orange trees. wondered with lightness.
Friday, 1 February 2008
A friend´s friend
Pierre. called him up as told. actually I send him a sms.
he is cool. wrote back¨welcome to Madrid. instantly, I am not too scare to make the contact anymore.
cool dude. went drinking with his friends at Malsana then clubbing till 7am the first night.
2nd day, a sunday. I was very destroyed. P showed me 2 clubs with his guest list on. the WEEKEND got amazing music and video playing behind the DJ whom are on the same level as the crowd which i find it unusal and cool.
4th night, we went for chill out drink, around his area. Had croquet and jamon, wine and coffee. chatted about his new dog outfit with his lamppost friend for the fiesta. great night.
met up before I head to Sevilla at a tapas bar, was cool. Madrid definitely feel different when it was lead by whom and where and how. Besides, I met a cool dude. glad.
he is cool. wrote back¨welcome to Madrid. instantly, I am not too scare to make the contact anymore.
cool dude. went drinking with his friends at Malsana then clubbing till 7am the first night.
2nd day, a sunday. I was very destroyed. P showed me 2 clubs with his guest list on. the WEEKEND got amazing music and video playing behind the DJ whom are on the same level as the crowd which i find it unusal and cool.
4th night, we went for chill out drink, around his area. Had croquet and jamon, wine and coffee. chatted about his new dog outfit with his lamppost friend for the fiesta. great night.
met up before I head to Sevilla at a tapas bar, was cool. Madrid definitely feel different when it was lead by whom and where and how. Besides, I met a cool dude. glad.
under the sevilla sun
Insisting not going out till the sun is out. so here, am writing, reading, eating (so much!) should this be a struggle of thinking giving up on sight seeing in a new city with my 2nd day caging myself at hotel? probably not in my very rational way. looking out now, sun is out. get going.
Sunday, 27 January 2008
Madrid
everyone been to madrid and barcelona said they prefer Madrid over Barcelona.
so a total suprise for me. I like suprises! Madrid is amazing. little narrow pebble streets, colorful buildings, bars, cafes, and clubs being the most happening on a SUNDAY, friendly people (besides the ones whom steal!!), great food, great music, musees, and so much more. if thats Madrid, am loving it.
so a total suprise for me. I like suprises! Madrid is amazing. little narrow pebble streets, colorful buildings, bars, cafes, and clubs being the most happening on a SUNDAY, friendly people (besides the ones whom steal!!), great food, great music, musees, and so much more. if thats Madrid, am loving it.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)